


Cabin Fever

by Dibsanddabs



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Hydra AU, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, hydra!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-26 18:46:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6251359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dibsanddabs/pseuds/Dibsanddabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just Steve’s luck really. It was his first outing as the asset’s handler and everything had gone to shit. </p><p>Steve is the asset's new handler, and when a mission goes bad he makes the decision to wait in a safe house. But mountain weather is against them and the pair end up snowed in together. The longer the asset spends out of cryo, the more of Steve's questions he can answer, and Steve might not like what he finds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there
> 
> This was inspired by holahydra's "handler steve" au. I'm not sure what they had in mind, but I was determined to make this as fluffy as it could be while still having a modicum of plot. 
> 
> More tags will be added along the way, comments and kudos are much appreciated.
> 
> Thanks for reading

It was just Steve’s luck really. It was his first outing as the asset’s handler and everything had gone to shit. Well not everything, the target was dead, but the asset had taken a bullet to the thigh and had barely been able to walk even with his super human pain tolerance. Their transport had been damaged in the scuffle and they had no way to escape. Steve had made the call to go to a safe house so he could tend to the soldier’s wounds himself and wait for a team to pick them up. 

Their month long mission had taken them to the Swiss alps, where there wasn’t much Hydra coverage. The best Steve knew of was a small set of cabins that were a lot better defended than they seemed. 

“I can walk.” The asset said, and if Steve didn’t know better he’d say he was grumbling. 

“I know, but you can’t to walk back to America.” Steve said. “So we’re waiting. Your tracking chip should get them here soon.” The asset went back to being quiet, refusing Steve’s offer to help him walk to the safe house.

When they found it, Steve realised the description hadn’t quite mentioned how small the cabins were. Two single room buildings, but it was more than they needed. 

“I’ll check the perimeter and defences. Go in and find a first aid kit.” Steve said, not needing to make the order firm, the asset would obey. He watched him disappear inside before finding the defensive gadgets and setting them up. Steve was glad to find the soldier prepped for the procedure when he came back. He found a strap of leather for him to bite as Steve dug out what he needed to dig the bullet out and sew the wound up. 

The asset didn’t scream. Steve had to admit that unnerved him. 

-

The evening was uneventful. Steve could only get static through on his radio and no one seemed to be coming that night. Steve searched out the large supply of nutrient packs, handing one to the asset to eat and grimacing through one himself. He got out the bedroll, and decided he’d need to do more thorough checks on the asset himself. Usually the scientists who wiped him would do all that, but if they had to wait until the morning then he had to do it himself. 

Steve got the soldier to get himself down to his underwear. The other man seemed completely neutral about the situation, despite Steve being almost a stranger. Steve checked him over for broken bones, any tears or strains. He’d twisted his ankle on the fall from the shot, so Steve strapped that up. The asset didn’t seem happy but he didn’t outwardly protest. Steve knew he didn’t need to be as gentle as he was, but it seemed wrong to hurt the asset for no reason, so he made sure each touch was soft and only to help.

Steve finished up, giving the asset a smile, to which he just got a deep frown. “We should head to sleep.” He said. ”Hopefully they’ll be here by morning. We should make sure we’re rested.” 

“I can function perfectly on the amount of sleep I have.” The asset said. 

“Well you’ll be functioning even better if you can get a few hours in.” Steve said. “It’s not like we have anything better to do. The mission’s complete.” 

The soldier couldn’t seem to argue with that, so he got into the sleeping bag and lay down on the bed roll, closing his eyes. 

Steve looked over him, seeing his muscles relax as he fell quickly into sleep, something they probably programmed him to be able to do even in conditions as cold as this. He looked different, unfocussed and maybe even vulnerable. Steve didn’t dwell on it, getting into his own bedroll. He knew others didn’t like sleeping around the asset, scared that he’d kill them while they couldn’t watch him, but Steve was his handler and he knew that the asset would not lay a finger on him. 

That didn’t mean his sleep was easy.

-

Steve woke up naturally and there were still no Hydra agents. He sighed, guessing that they were on their way through the difficult mountains. He considered staying where he was, but he thought it would be better to seem ready to be collected. 

He packed up the bedroll, shaking the asset’s shoulder a little and telling him to wake up. The soldier opened his eyes without moving, blinking up at Steve. Steve watched his eyes, seeing them go from wide and confused to hard and calculating. Steve wondered what that millisecond was like inside the asset’s head. 

The asset waited on a chair while Steve got them packed back up, leg almost healed but still bad enough for Steve to order him to sit. He handed him another nutrition pack before heading to the door, just to see if there were any signs of agents. 

What greeted him instead was a wall of white. He stood there for a second, silently. 

“We’re snowed in.” He said, even though the asset could easily see that. He turned around to look at the soldier, who seemed a little perturbed at least. 

-

There weren’t found that day and Steve resorted to trying to find a shovel to at least dig a way out. There was of course no offer of help from the asset, he killed people but he wasn’t there for menial tasks. When he’d managed to dig at least a slope out of the door, he gave up for now. The asset was silent the entire time, and Steve was starting to understand why the others were creeped out by him. 

“I’ve been trained in everything about you.” Steve said eventually, coming to sit down across from him. “But I don’t actually know anything about you. No one does.” He studied the soldier’s expression but he couldn’t read anything from it. “Where are you from?” He tried. 

“Hydra.” The asset replied. 

“No I meant before that, before Hydra.” Steve said. 

The asset simply looked over him, possibly in derision but Steve couldn’t tell. Steve sighed and leaned back. He wasn’t going to get a conversation any time soon.

“Let me check your leg again, and then I’m going to sleep. You can take the first watch.” In a strike team Steve would volunteer first, but he had a feeling that the asset didn’t go for self sacrifice. He checked over his leg, impressed at how much the wound had healed. “You’ll be alright without bandages tomorrow probably.” He said. “Wake me in four hours.” 

The asset half nodded, eyes going to the door and not blinking. Steve got his bed roll back out, pulling his sleeping bag close around him but not shivering. He’d survive the cold temperatures and cope with four hours sleep. 

After all, the asset wasn’t the only one who’d been a little altered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again
> 
> Will the cute end? Maybe now, maybe never, you'll just have to keep reading to find out
> 
> Kudos and comments much appreciated
> 
> Thanks for reading

Steve managed to take the next day optimistically, still waiting for a team and not making any long term plans, but by the time they saw their third sunset in the snowed in cabin he knew it was time to make arrangements. 

“We have enough rations to last us five weeks.” Steve said. “So if no one’s come in two weeks then we move out and try to get to the nearest town. Your tracking chip might be faulty.” Once again, Steve had to remind himself that they wouldn’t leave him to die out here, the asset was too important. 

The soldier seemed to agree with the plan, although honestly it was hard to tell. 

“You’re a terrible roommate, you know that?” Steve said, raising an eyebrow. He got a frown but not much more, so he went back to business. “You take the first sleep tonight.” Steve said. “I’ll wake you up in four hours.”

The asset crawled into his bed roll, not tired but following orders. Although he could operate on very little sleep, if they were going to be here for weeks then he did need to sleep every night. Steve had memorised the exact breakdown of the asset’s enhancements after all. It was easy, having been given a version of the serum himself. 

The soldier was asleep for less than an hour when he started whimpering. Steve’s brow knitted together looking over at him. The asset should have a perfect sleep, effectively shutting a computer down, but the way he was twitching looked like he might even be dreaming, and it was definitely nothing good.

Steve waited a little to see if it would stop, but the whimpering only got louder and the asset started thrashing in his sleeping bag. Steve got up and went to kneel by the side of the asset, shaking his shoulder a little. 

“Hey.” Steve said softly. “Wake up.” He could blame his late reaction on the shock, but suddenly he was pressed against the ground with a metal hand around his throat. He scrabbled at it, and when he looked up the asset’s eyes were wild and unseeing. He kicked up, but the asset wasn’t moving anywhere. Steve was about to kick again when something changed on the soldier’s face, a flash of recognition, and the hand was removed. 

The asset moved backward quickly, lowering his eyes. Steve gasped in a harsh breath, but otherwise he was unharmed. He’d not been attacked by the asset before, and something must have happened to let a breach of programming like that through. Steve was surprised when the asset spoke up first. 

“Will you report this?” He asked, and it seemed like a curious choice of question. 

“Probably, why?” Steve rasped out. If there was an issue in programming then it was his duty to let the scientists know so they could fix it. They couldn’t have the asset attacking Hydra agents after all. 

The asset looked almost upset, perhaps even scared, but it was quickly replaced by a mask that Steve couldn’t see through. The soldier nodded, seeming to agree that it was the best course of action. 

Steve rubbed a hand around his neck. There were a lot of questions he had about the asset, ones he didn’t think he was allowed to ask. Did it hurt him when he was reprogrammed, did he even know what his programming was, and why would someone volunteer for this in the first place? He wouldn’t get answers for these any time soon. 

Steve pushed himself up. He had a duty, to make sure the asset was in working condition, attacks or not. 

“Come here.” He said, sat on the edge of the bed roll. “Let me check you over.”

He asked a set of base questions, and the soldier got all of them right. He checked over him to make sure he’d not been injured badly. 

Once Steve finished he cupped the asset’s cheek, looking into his eyes to try and see if anything was wrong. It was hard to see, what with everything Hydra did to his head anyway, but there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. The asset’s brows were knitted together. 

“Relax, I’m helping you.” Steve said with a small smile, hoping to reassure him. Perhaps the soldier was just uncomfortable with his new handler and being away from cryo for so long. They had only met in a few training sessions before hand. It didn’t seem to do much for the frown on the asset’s face. 

“Why?” The asset asked, his voice gruff, not used very often. “The other handlers don’t.” That seemed realistic. From what Steve knew people tended to see the asset as an object.

“Well the other handlers lost their jobs.” Steve said. He’d not asked why, that was above his security sanction, but he guessed they’d not kept the asset to his best. He didn’t know where you went after you’d lost a position like this, Steve hadn’t met any previous handlers. “It takes a lot of training to work with you.” 

“I’m very dangerous.” The asset said. Steve almost saw a little humour in the asset’s eyes but it disappeared before he could.

“Yes.” Steve said. “The ultimate weapon they say. A gun that can think.” He’d heard the phrase so many times, he’d assumed the asset knew about it, but the confusion that flashed over the asset’s face told a different story. 

“I’m not a gun.” He said very quietly. 

“Well no, that’s not what I-…” Steve started, looking over the asset. He bit his lip, rethinking. “What are you?”

The soldier looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with Steve. “I don’t know.” He said quietly. 

Steve slowly put a finger under the asset’s chin, tilting his head to look back up at him. “Neither do I really.” He said softly. “But it’s alright. We’re both pretty good at our jobs.” He offered a smile that wasn’t returned, but the asset seemed to soften ever so slightly and Steve took that as a victory. 

“We don’t really need to keep watch tonight.” Steve said softly. “They’ll wake us up if they come any time soon, and the place is surrounded in defences. How about we both try to get a full night’s sleep.” The asset tried to interrupt.

“I don’t need-“ 

“I know.” Steve said. “I don’t either. But neither of us have a mission and it’s too cold to go outside. So why not treat ourselves.” He gave him a smile, squeezing his shoulder. He got out his bed roll, beginning to get into his sleeping bag. 

“It’s cold in here too.” The asset said very quietly. Steve looked over him, wondering what the comment meant. His eyebrows raised as he realised the asset was trying to tell him that he was cold. It was easy to forget that the asset felt things like that. 

“Sharing would keep us warmer.” Steve said. “We could zip the bags together. I run quite warm.” The asset looked at Steve for a moment before nodding only just enough for Steve to see. 

Steve unzipped both bags, getting down to his underwear so he could warm the asset up. His own skin was warm but the soldier seemed like ice. Steve positioned him so he was on his left side, metal arm down where Steve wouldn’t brush against the chilled metal too much, and Steve wrapped up against his back to make sure he warmed up. 

“Better?” Steve whispered once they were settled. The asset nodded ever so slightly, but was still tense, as if scared to properly relax into this. 

“Thank you.” He whispered. 

“No problem.” Steve said softly. “I’m here to take care of you after all.” He slotted his nose against the back of the asset’s neck, breathing sweat and leather in. “Sleep as long as you can. I’ll wake you up if I need you.” He said quietly, before adding a soft, “Sleep well.” 

The asset slowly relaxed into his arms, and once they’d both warmed up Steve drifted off too, hoping for an easy night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again
> 
> I'm trying to keep up with at least a chapter a day while i've got time off, fingers crossed for me
> 
> Kudos and comments earn lots of love
> 
> Thanks for reading

Steve dreamed he was the asset. He was in the chair that they wiped him in. He’d never watched the asset being wiped, but he’d seen footage of it. They were pushing him back. He’d seen how the asset always let them, without fighting back or fussing, but Steve didn’t. Steve was fighting, shouting. He was cuffed to the chair so he didn’t leave but he was still fighting. The panels closed around his head. 

Steve woke with a gasp, pushing up before realising he was trapped by a sleeping bag, not metal cuffs. He looked down, seeing the asset lying there perfectly still, eyes open and looking up at him. Steve wiped his eyes. 

“You were making noises.” The soldier said without prompting. 

“I was dreaming.” Steve said quietly, taking a breath to calm his heart rate. 

“Should I wake you if you dream again?” The asset asked. He seemed concerned, which was new. Steve wasn’t aware of the asset having any programming to care for his handler, the job went the other way round.

“Yes.” Steve said softly. “If I’m making noise again, wake me up.” The asset seemed relieved that he could help. Steve reached for his jacket to find his watch, seeing it was still early in the morning. “Think you can sleep any more?” He asked, but the asset shook his head. 

“I’ve been awake for an hour.” He said plainly. 

“An hour? Why didn’t you get up?” Steve asked. 

“It’s warm here.” The asset said. Steve frowned. It wasn’t part of the asset’s programming to seek comfort, otherwise he wouldn’t be good at his job. But really, what else should he have done? It’s not like they had anything to occupy themselves with. Steve nodded a little. 

“We should try to get some wood in here, set up a fire and melt some snow. We need more than those nutrient packs if we’re gonna be here a while.” 

That gave them both something to aim for at least, and once they were both dressed back in their cold weather gear they headed out. Steve had to dig a bit more for them to actually leave, and the snow was soft enough to be difficult to walk on, but eventually they both came back with armfuls of mostly dry twigs. 

“Next time I’ll see if I can find an axe or something. And we can try to dig into the other cabin.” Steve said, brushing the snow off his jacket and setting the twigs in the empty fireplace. The asset copied his motion before beginning to look through the cupboards, producing a pan to heat water in. 

“Should I get some snow?” The soldier asked, and Steve nodded while thinking about the fact that the asset was beginning to take things into his own hands rather than wait for orders. He watched as the asset opened the door and brushed some of the top snow into the pan. Steve pulled his eyes away to start a fire, pulling a lighter out of his pack. At least they had some small conveniences. 

-

It wasn’t much warmer, but sitting by the fire at least took the chill off. They boiled the water first before letting it chill and taking small sips. Once again, it was the asset who broke the silence. 

“Where are you from?” He asked, frowning at Steve. 

“Huh?” Steve asked, looking up from the fire. 

“Where are you from?” The asset repeated. “You asked me where I was from, I want to know where you’re from.” 

“You never told me where you were from.” Steve pointed out, but he got a hard look from the asset. “Right, okay. I’m from New York.” He said instead. 

“Where in New York?” The soldier asked. 

“Brooklyn.” Steve said. “Not a very nice area in Brooklyn.” That much seemed to be right, and the asset nodded a little. 

“Brooklyn.” He repeated, looking back to the fire. 

“Do I get to know where you’re from now?” Steve asked, but the asset shook his head. 

“I don’t know.” The asset said plainly. Steve frowned, looking over him. 

“You don’t know?” He asked. 

“I don’t know anything before Hydra.” The soldier clarified, not seeming to think that was odd at all. 

“How long have you been at Hydra?” Steve asked. He knew cryo could last for a long time, but how long had they kept the assassin on ice?

“I don’t know.” The asset said again.

“Do you know anything about what they do to you?” Steve asked, but the asset shrugged. 

“I do missions, I do well, they wipe the bits that don’t make me better and I go back to sleep.” He said. “And then they wake me up and I do it again.”

“What about your training?” Steve asked. “You must remember that.” 

“Parts of it.” The asset agreed. “I don’t know when it was. And I think they train me again sometimes, if I forget things. I don’t know any of the faces.” 

Steve took a moment to take some of that in. He knew the asset was a perfect killing machine, but he didn’t know how much they’d taken from him. He must have been a person at some point, he’d come from somewhere. Maybe they’d trained him as a child, but how long ago could that have been. 

“What do you do when you’re not on missions?” Steve asked. “I’ll be with you right?”

“I sleep.” The asset said. “Or I train. Or I learn about the next mission. But mostly I sleep.” 

“They don’t give you any time off?” Steve asked. “I mean, not a holiday or anything, but just time to, I don’t know, relax?”

“That would disrupt my programming.” The asset said. “I’m faulty. I need reprogramming a lot.”

“You’re not faulty.” Steve said, a little softer than he’d meant to. The asset looked up to him, before ever so slightly smiling. 

“Thank you.” He replied quietly. Steve let the moment hang there, not wanting to break whatever just passed between them. The asset had some human traits, and that’s what hydra tried to push out of him but without them, well then he was just a gun that could think. Steve was beginning to understand why the asset didn’t want to be that.

“Are you still cold?” Steve asked. It wasn’t in his care of the asset, he was only supposed to keep him functioning, but the asset, or the person behind the asset, deserved some comfort too.

The soldier nodded a little, and Steve opened his arms and gestured for the asset to come close. They managed to settle with the asset between his legs, facing sideways with both his legs over Steve’s knee, both of Steve’s arms wrapped around him. The flesh shoulder was against Steve’s chest, and Steve found himself making soft sounds of comfort. 

“We’ll be out of here in no time.” Steve said softly. 

“When they find us?” The asset asked quietly. Steve bit his lip. 

“Yeah,” He whispered. “When they find us.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again
> 
> The plot thickens! 
> 
> Kudos and comments earn you cyber affection
> 
> Thanks for reading x

A hand slid down Steve’s back, cupping his hip and pulling him closer. Lips trailed along his jaw. Legs tangled with his own. There was a name on his tongue but he couldn’t seem to say it. He held onto strong shoulders, firm but not wide like his own, except his own weren’t wide any more. He was small and thin and the hands on him were so delicate and gentle, like he hadn’t felt since he’d joined Hydra, like he couldn’t ever remember feeling before. A thigh slipped behind his own and that name breathed past his lips but he didn’t hear it. He heard his own name whispered back to him. Steve… Steve…

“Steve?” The voice came through his dream, and Steve felt his shoulder shaking a little. He frowned, blinking his eyes open to see the asset’s face close to his. 

“What?” Steve mumbled, before realising he’d been dreaming. “Was I making noise?”

“No.” The asset whispered. Steve looked at him, looking at the window and seeing it was pitch black. It was their third time sleeping in the same bag, but the first that the asset had woken him. 

“Then why did you wake me up?” Steve asked, trying not to be too annoyed. 

“I remembered something.” The asset said softly. “I think I remembered some things from before Hydra.” 

Now that got Steve interested. He shuffled to get a bit more comfortable, close enough to feel the asset breathing. 

“What do you remember?” He asked quietly. 

“I think I’m from New York too.” The asset said softly. “I think I remember Brooklyn.” 

“Really?” Steve asked. “I thought they brought you here from Russia.”

“I trained in Russia. I think. But I’m not from there. I remember being young.” The asset whispered. He seemed scared to say it, scared to admit knowing anything like that. 

“How much do you remember?” Steve whispered back. “Why are you here?”

“I don’t know that.” The asset whispered. “But I think I had a name.” Steve couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought to ask that. He felt bad immediately. 

“What was your name?” Steve whispered. The soldier paused for a moment, his eyes flicking back and forth as he tried to decide whether to speak or not. 

“James.” He whispered eventually. Steve nodded a little. 

“Well James.” Steve said. “It’s nice to meet you.”

-

Steve wanted to help James remember more, but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t even sure he should. They’d wipe it all as soon as they were found anyway. 

They’d slept curled up in each other’s arms. It was comforting, Steve didn’t remember being held like that in… well ever. James hadn’t offered any more information, maybe he didn’t remember any more. Steve found he was grateful for even that small amount of knowledge of James’ past. 

They’d spent the morning trying to dig into the other cabin, hoping it had more survival kits for them, perhaps even more nutrient packs for them to stay a little longer before making their own way to a pick up point. It had been more difficult to dig down than up, but they’d managed to get to the door half way through the afternoon. 

“Lets eat, and then we’ll search through the cupboards.” Steve said. 

“Then back to our cabin?” James asked. 

“Yes.” Steve said with a smile. “We’ll move everything from this one back to ours.”

“Will they mind us doing that?” James asked. 

“I’ll file a report, they’ll send someone out to restock.” Steve said with a shrug. “They won’t bother you with any of that.” 

James seemed to be considering something, once again unsure of whether he should say it out loud. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked. James bit his lip a little. 

“When we go back…” He said hesitantly, still not quite sure of himself. “… They’re going to wipe all of this, aren’t they?” He looked up at Steve, some sort of pain in his eyes. “They won’t let me remember this one because I remembered things I shouldn’t.” 

Steve looked over him, not being able to deny that. He couldn’t help the clenching in his chest at the thought though. Next mission he’d see James and all that would be there was the asset, with no knowledge of who he was at all. And Steve would have to pretend he didn’t know either, so he didn’t disturb a mission or distract the asset with information he obviously wasn’t supposed to have. 

“They’ll wipe you, yes.” Steve said, softly, like an apology. “They have their reasons for taking it all away.” 

“What if I don’t want them to take it away?” James said, his voice shaking a little. 

“What do you mean?” Steve asked quietly. 

“I don’t remember choosing this.” James admitted quietly. “I don’t remember wanting this.” 

“You did at one point.” Steve said. “You knew why you needed to do this, why we all needed you.” 

“Why do you do it?” James said instead. “Why are you with Hydra?” 

Steve opened his mouth, but no answer came out. He looked down instead, looked to the door. 

“Lets go and eat.” Steve said. “You’re getting confused.” He almost expected James to object, but he didn’t. James headed down into the cabin, but there wasn’t the same silent obedience as Steve had known on the mission. He was upset, but cold and hungry. Steve had a duty of care, and he knew he had to give James more to stop him from being upset. 

He got them nutrient packs, nothing to heat them with so they ate them cold, sitting at a copy of the table in their own cabin. Steve took a breath, deciding to tell James what he knew. 

“Hydra saved my life.” Steve said, looking down at the table. “That’s why I work for them. They’d give me my life if I then spent it working for them. It was my choice, I agreed with them, but that’s why I can’t leave.”

James took a moment to respond, looking over Steve.

“Why did your life need saving?” He asked, obviously choosing carefully which question to ask first. 

“I was very sick.” Steve said. “I was smaller, sicker, and I was going to die. And Hydra said they’d pump me full of chemicals and I’d get taller and stronger and I wouldn’t die. They said I had to work with them to make the world a better place, get rid of the people who were going to make the world worse. And so I agreed, and they did the procedure and it worked. I started training to work with you, and that’s sort of where I ended up. Here.” Steve looked back up to James, and once again his eyes were unreadable. 

“What were you dying of?” James asked after a short silence.

“What?” Steve asked, not quite understanding the question. 

“What was killing you? You said you were sick. Sick with what?” James asked. “You don’t just die. You die of something.” 

“I…” Steve frowned, trying to remember, but he drew up a blank. “I don’t know… It was…” He looked down before looking back up. “I’m not sure… I guess I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“You weren’t thinking about the fact you were dying.” James said, obviously not believing that. “Why did they pick you? A dying boy who was dying of nothing and didn’t seem to notice.” 

“I didn’t ask, I was just glad they did.” Steve said, trying to defend himself. “And I got to make sure you could fulfil your job, and you’re important.” 

“Why?” James asked. “Why am I important? You’ve got my strength, why not use you? Why keep wiping me and keep going?”

“I don’t know!” Steve said, standing up. 

“None of this makes sense!” James said, upset at something. 

“I don’t know Bucky!” Steve yelled. He didn’t realise he’d said anything out of place until he saw the look on James’ face, confusion and hesitation to speak. Steve back tracked his words, frowning as well. 

“Who the hell is Bucky?” James said. Steve swallowed a little, looking to the floor. What the hell was going on?

“I don’t know.” He whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there
> 
> So yesterday evening I booked civil war tickets and watched both captain america films, so i didn't write this as quickly as i could have. Still, it's technically kept to one a day so i'm not behind. Tomorrow's looking like a very busy day but i'll try as hard as i can, promise. 
> 
> Comments and kudos keep me going
> 
> Thanks for reading x

There was a moment of quiet between them. Steve was trying to place what he knew to be fact and what was pushing into his mind. 

“I know that name.” He said quietly. “I’ve heard that name before.”

James seemed to be holding back, but slowly moved forward. 

“This is okay.” He said quietly, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “You’re getting confused. It’s happened before. On our last mission you got confused too.”

“Our last mission?” Steve asked, finally looking up at him again. “B- James, this is… I’ve never had a mission with you before.” 

“Of course you have. It was in…” James frowned, his mouth open ready to say the place but his mind not supplying the information. “We were… this isn’t our first mission. They must have wiped the rest.” 

“No I would remember.” Steve said. “I’ve only been part of Hydra for a year and a half, I’ve been training to work with you the whole time.”

“No we worked together.” James said, his voice getting firmer. “You would go out front and I would pick off the guys attacking you.” 

Even James seemed to pick up on how wrong that was. Steve looked over him. Something was happening and he didn’t know what, but it couldn’t be good. 

“Where are you from?” He asked quickly. 

“Brooklyn.” James replied, not thinking, just letting the answer come out. 

“What’s your name?” Steve said, just as quick fire.

“James.” James said, before hesitating. “But you don’t call me that.” 

“What do I call you?” Steve asked.

“Bucky.” James said, and Steve let it fall quiet between them again. James’- Bucky’s arm had fallen to his bicep, just lightly holding. Steve swallowed a little, moving slightly closer. 

“Bucky,” He whispered, the name familiar on his tongue. “Why are you in Hydra?”

“I was captured.” Bucky replied, not even seeming to know the answer until it was past his lips. His eyes widened, his hand tightening on Steve’s bicep. “They took me and wiped me so I wouldn’t leave.” He said quietly, as if trying to convince himself it was true. 

Steve wasn’t entirely sure why, but he knew it was the best thing to do now. He wrapped his arms around Bucky and pulled him close, holding him tight. 

“I know you,” He whispered. “I don’t know why, but I know you.” 

“I know you too.” Bucky whispered into Steve’s shoulder. 

Something was happening, and Steve was going to work it out. But stuck in the middle of nowhere there wasn’t much they could try to do, except, well, remember.

“Lets get all this stuff back to our cabin.” Steve whispered. “We’ll light the fire, and we’ll talk. We’ll work this out Buck.” Bucky was clinging to him like a life line, and nodded, seemingly trusting Steve despite everything. Not following orders, trusting. 

Steve felt lucky for that at least. 

-

They worked mostly in silence, the reality of what had happened settling over both of them. Bucky had never known anything, or at least didn’t remember knowing anything until now, and Steve was finding out that everything he thought he knew must be a lie. They worked efficiently together, in sync even when they weren’t looking, something past what training can get you.

Eventually Steve lit the fire and got Bucky settled in front of it, taking his flesh hand to warm up his fingers where they were beginning to turn pale. 

“We need to do this logically.” He said. “We need to map out what we know, piece it together and work out what makes sense.” 

“How do we decide what makes sense or not?” Bucky asked. 

“Well… we’ll get to that when we come to it.” Steve said, looking down at his hands. “But we know a few things for certain so far. One, we know each other.” 

“Two, I didn’t choose to join Hydra.” Bucky said. 

“And three, there’s something they’re really trying to keep from us.” Steve said, rubbing Bucky’s hand between his own, but it still wasn’t warming up. “Here,” He said, lifting his shirt a little and putting Bucky’s cold hand against his warm stomach. Steve hissed slightly at the chill but didn’t flinch. 

“You said you were smaller?” Bucky said. “How much smaller?”

“I think…” Steve strained to remember specifics. “Shorter than I am now. By a lot. And really skinny.” He had flashes of what he looked like, but no memory of measurements. “I think the story I told you might be a lie.” He said, taking a deep breath. “I don’t remember details, only vague stuff. And you’re right, none of it makes sense. I think it’s fake.” 

“Why would they give you something fake?” Bucky asked. “They never do that for me.” 

“Because they didn’t want me to think that they’d taken anything at all.” Steve said. He felt Bucky’s fingers move on his stomach, warming up at least now. “We have no idea how many times they’ve sent us out together. Or how many times we remembered things.” 

“We might start remembering that too.” Bucky said. “I have dreams. About missions. I can write them down, they might be true.” Steve nodded at that. 

“Write down anything at all. We’ll put it all together. I could-…” Steve thought back to the dreams he’d been having while here. “I can write mine down too.” He felt the fingers on his stomach, stroking his skin gently and he looked up to give Bucky a small smile. “We’ll work this out.”

“And then as soon as they find us, they’ll take it away again.” Bucky whispered. “You know it’s true Steve. They must need to, or they wouldn’t have done it before.”

“I’ll talk to them.” Steve said. “I’ll find out what’s happening and tell them we’ll be just as efficient.” 

“Do you really think that will work?” Bucky asked. “They’ll just keep us apart until we’re wiped and then we won’t know anything any more.”

“I won’t let them hurt you.” Steve said firmly, cupping his jaw and looking him in the eye. “I won’t let them put a finger on you until I know what’s going on.” Bucky looked up to him with wide eyes, taking a slow breath. 

“What makes you think they’ll wait for your permission?” Bucky whispered, his voice shaking ever so slightly. “You’re my handler, not the director.”

“They’ll have to fight through me if they want to get to you.” Steve said. “I swear Bucky. I’m not letting this one slide, no matter who’s giving the orders.” 

“Me neither.” Bucky said quietly. He chewed on his lower lip, and Steve knew how big that was for him. Bucky had programming, he couldn’t disobey an order, they’d just put him to sleep until they got back to base. But he wanted to go against that for whatever it was they were figuring out. 

“We’ll do this.” Steve whispered, realising he’d moved closer to Bucky, their noses almost brushing. “I know we’re something to each other, I know that I know your face.” 

Bucky didn’t reply right away, his hand moving up from Steve’s shoulder to the side of his neck. He looked back with big eyes, vulnerable and even scared for the first time in his memory. 

“I know you too.” He whispered, confirming it so close that Steve could feel his breath on his own lips. It seemed like there was more, but that was all they knew for now. They knew each other. Steve’s eyes met Bucky’s, held the gaze before his eyes flicked down to his lips. “I- I think-,” Bucky breathed, licking his bottom lip quickly, “I think I did more than know you, I dreamed-“

“I dreamed it too.” Steve whispered, and that seemed to be all Bucky needed. Bucky closed the gap between them, pulling Steve down into the kiss, taking the one thing he was allowed to have, at least for now. 

The kiss was clumsy and hurried, but Steve felt like he’d never felt anything better. They parted quite quickly, though both of them were already a little out of breath. Steve searched Bucky’s eyes, trying to hang onto the small bits of familiarity. 

“Do you have a notebook?” Bucky whispered softly. It took Steve a couple of second to think about a reply. 

“Yeah, why?” He whispered. 

“We have a lot to write down.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there
> 
> I mean, it's almost 2am but I haven't gone to bed yet so I'm counting it as the same day? Right? This chapter's a bit longer so I hope that makes up for it being a few hours late
> 
> Kudos and comments are the best
> 
> Thanks for reading!

They worked together efficiently. One of them would remember something, they’d write it down on the front page. If the other remembered the same thing it would get moved to the back. If things seemed to link up, then they got moved into the middle where they’d drawn a diagram of possible time lines. Steve was slowly realising that he’d been around for much longer than he’d thought. 

They made sure to keep up with basic tasks, collecting wood and snow as well as checking on the defences daily. With the extra food from the second cabin they had a good eight week supply left, but silently they were both beginning to think that they should head out sooner rather than later anyway. Neither of them were sure what they’d do if agents actually came for them at this point, and gradually they decided that they weren’t going to wait and find out. A few more days here to search their brains, then they’d leave by themselves.

On the third day of note book keeping, Bucky suddenly circled some new information in the middle pages. 

“I think I’ve got a link.” He said. “This part here, I think I know why this happened.” Steve moved over, to see what Bucky was talking about. He’d circled the bit Steve had written in about a train, something Bucky had vaguely remembered but couldn’t put a finger on. 

“The hydra agents?” Steve asked, reading the scrawls that Bucky was putting down, not wanting to distract him too much if he was on a roll. 

“I was shooting at one.” Bucky said, leaning back a little as he stopped writing. Steve frowned, think about why. 

“Maybe we’d remembered again, and we were trying to escape.” Steve suggested. 

“I don’t think so.” Bucky said softly. “They were shooting back. I think they were trying to kill me.” 

“That’s not right.” Steve said. “Why didn’t they just shut you down? They wouldn’t waste you by killing you off.” 

“I don’t think I was part of Hydra when we were on the train.” Bucky said, looking up at him. “I don’t think either of us were.” He looked firmly at Steve, and what Bucky was saying clicked in Steve’s head. 

“That gives us a timeline for when we were taken.” Steve said. “And it means we knew each other before Hydra had either of us.” He sat down beside Bucky, rubbing a hand over his face. 

“It makes sense, with some of the dreams you wrote down. You were still small in them, and I knew you when you were small. Because Hydra made you big.” Bucky said. 

“But I was big on the train.” Steve said, sitting to look at the book. “I know I was big on the train. I was fighting.” 

“So… Hydra didn’t make you big?” Bucky said, frowning and writing that down. 

“No.” Steve said. “But I definitely changed. I’ve got the serum, I’m too strong and fast to not have it.” 

Bucky nodded a little. “We’ve just got to work out who gave it to you.” He bit his lip a little. “Do you think I got it from Hydra? I’m pretty sure they gave me the arm but I don’t remember much.” 

“Who else does Hydra know who’d have this sort of thing?” Steve asked.

“Steve, from what we’ve got, we could both be pretty old. Even if someone else had the serum back then they might not now. They might not even exist now.” Bucky said. Steve looked down, taking Bucky’s hand gently before giving it a quick squeeze. 

“Buck,” He said softly, “I’ve been thinking, with all this. We both know there’s one way to actually find out the truth.” There was a quiet moment between them, where Bucky seemed to not believe what Steve was saying. Or at least he didn’t want to believe it.

“You want us to go back to them?” He asked. “Steve! We won’t get a chance to ask questions. They’ll take us in and wipe us and we’ll be back to the beginning. No, we have to run away.” 

“Bucky, we won’t find answer out there. And even if we remember everything, we won’t be able to piece it together. Hydra have files on us. I can try to find them and then we’ll escape. We won’t go back to them, I promise, but we need to get into their computers and find out where we came from.” 

Bucky looked like he was about to pull away, angry with the change of course and even scared to go back. 

“I don’t want to.” Bucky said. “I don’t want them to take us back.” 

“We will escape.” Steve said. “We won’t even leave the country. They’ll have to take us to the base here and I can log into the computer systems.” 

“You’re not going to be able to find your own file with your log in.” Bucky said, pointing out the obvious and looking down at Steve. 

“I know that.” Steve said. “But I’ll find a way. Steal someone else’s. I’ll get into the system, download our files and then we’ll get out of there.”

“How do you know that?” Bucky said. “How do you know they won’t just put us back in cryo and ship us back to America? We might not have a choice Steve!” 

“I told you I’d keep us safe.” Steve said. “They don’t know we’ve remembered. I’ll talk to the other agents, I’ll keep you out of cryo. I don’t know, I’ll say I need to go through mission updates with you before they can freeze you. I’ll use the computers, say I’m writing up the mission report, and then I’ll break us out.”

Bucky whimpered, squeezing Steve’s hand. “What if it doesn’t work?” He whispered. 

“I’ll make sure it does.” Steve said, pulling his hand up to his lips and kissing his knuckles. “Do you trust me?” Bucky bit his lip, and Steve worried that he wouldn’t get the answer he needed. 

“I do.” Bucky whispered. He sighed. “This better work, or next time we’re unfrozen, I’m kicking your ass.” 

-

They were curled up in their sleeping bag once again. They hadn’t wanted to waste torch batteries on staying up writing in the note book, so they went to bed as soon as it got too dark. 

Steve had his eyes closed, but mostly was just listening to Bucky breathe. Both of them were getting more sleep than they needed so it took them both a while to drop off. 

Steve felt Bucky shift in front of him, and slowly he began to realise that Bucky was stroking his sides, his hips, his thighs. He relaxed into it, liking the feeling of Bucky exploring him. He let his own hand rest on Bucky’s waist, opening his eyes to smile at him. Bucky didn’t smile back yet, slowly leaning in to kiss Steve gently. 

“I want…” Bucky started, but trailed off as he couldn’t find the words. 

“What do you want Buck?” Steve whispered back. It was so new to him, and new to Bucky, this human contact. They were both revelling in the freedom to have it. 

“I want you.” Bucky whispered.

“Are you sure?” Steve whispered. “We don’t have to. Not matter what we remember.” 

“I want to.” Bucky said more firmly. “If they’re going to take us back. I’m not going to risk not getting to touch you before they wipe us again. I want to take this, I haven’t had anything like this since they took me Steve. I want to show they don’t control me right now, not until they wipe me again.” 

“Don’t talk like that Buck.” Steve whispered. “We won’t get wiped.” 

“But if we do.” Bucky said. “I want to have another memory to try and work out.” 

Steve bit his lip a little, but nodded slowly. 

“I want that too.” He whispered. “But we’ll remember this. It will give us something to hold onto.” 

Bucky’s hands were back to moving, pulling his hips closer, caught between hurrying and savouring this. He gasped as Bucky’s hand pressed against his crotch, rubbing against it as he hardened in his underwear. He moved to do the same, dipping his hand inside Bucky’s pants and wrapping his hand around his length. They were kissing again, everything was messy and hurried now that they actually had their hands on each other. Steve moaned into Bucky’s mouth as he felt a cold hand wrap around his cock. 

They fumbled out of their underwear, throwing it out the side. Steve needed to unzip the bag a little to move around, hissing at the blast of cold air. They slowly synced up their movements, rubbing each other’s cocks slowly. Bucky had been right that neither of them had been touched in a while, so they didn’t want to blow too early. Bucky moved Steve’s hand away form himself, wrapping his own hand around both of their lengths and groaning. 

Steve moved his hand to Bucky’s shoulder, kissing him firmly and rolling his hips into Bucky’s hand. 

“Fuck Bucky.” He whispered against his lips. “Feels so good.” All he got was a whimper in return, but it was good enough. 

He let himself get close before moving away, not wanting to finish quite this soon. 

“I have an idea.” Steve whispered. “Let me try?” Buck nodded enthusiastically. 

“M’not lasting long.” Bucky mumbled, and Steve nodded in understanding. He unzipped the bag, getting an unhappy noise from Bucky at the cold, before moving down his body.

Bucky’s cock was had and thick, already leaking ever so slightly. Steve wrapped a hand gently around the base, and without warning he opened his mouth and took Bucky down. He’d dreamt of doing this, and the reaction of dream-Bucky was more than good enough to want to try it. 

Bucky cried out, hand going to Steve’s hair to cling on. 

“M’gonna- Steve! I can’t- ah!” He stuttered out, but Steve didn’t mind. He wasn’t good at this, he could tell, but he tried sucking gently and licking at what he could reach, and it was barely a minute before Bucky gripping his hair hard and exploded into his mouth. Steve didn’t manage to swallow all of it down, wiping his mouth as he pulled back to look at Bucky. 

He was sprawled out back, eyes half open as he caught his breath. He looked up to Steve, reaching towards him. Steve moved into his arms, kissing Bucky slowly. His own cock was still hard between his legs but he wanted to cherish this moment for now. However, it didn’t last long before he felt a hand trailing down his stomach. He smiled against Bucky’s lips, lying back and letting Bucky jerk him off. 

He came with a small gasp against Bucky’s lips, holding him tight. He felt the mess on his own stomach, but he didn’t care for now. This was perfect, and he didn’t want to let go. 

They held each other for a long time, perhaps a few minutes or maybe for an hour, but eventually the chill and the clammy mess on their stomachs became too uncomfortable. Steve found some wipes, cleaned them up, and got back into the bag with their limbs tangled together. 

“Sleep well.” Steve whispered, kissing Bucky one last time, a lazy smile on his face. 

“Dream sweet things.” Bucky said quietly. They both knew that was a chance, they could dream anything horrible, but right now it seemed like nothing could touch them. They both drifted off, warm and happy with each other. 

-

Steve woke to a boot stamping down next to his head. He opened his eyes, his chest clenching as he recognised the face of the man stood above him. He held Bucky protectively, who was waking up too but silent at the sight of who’d intruded their cabin. 

“Morning Rogers.” Rumlow said, his face no where near as cheery as his voice. “Seems like we’ve got some catching up to do.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there
> 
> More respectable time today, 10pm. Hope you like it!  
> (I think there might only be one more chapter after this, just to warn you all!)
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated a lot
> 
> Thanks for reading!

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Rumlow hissed. Steve and Bucky had scrambled to get some clothes on, and while Bucky was standing passively, pretending to be waiting for orders, Steve was taking the brunt of the yelling. “You’re fucking lucky that I told the others to wait in the truck. Do you know what they would have done if they’d seen you like that?”

“It was stupid.” Steve said, not looking anywhere near Bucky as he talked. Bucky knew he wouldn’t mean any of it, but it still felt awful to try and play this down. “We’d been trapped here a while you know, and it’s not like he’d say no. He just helped me get off.” 

“And then I’m guessing just helped you cuddle a bit. I know you were a sap Rogers but this crosses a line.” Rumlow said. “He’s a weapon, not your personal sex toy.” 

“It was once.” Steve said. “And I know it was stupid.”

“You’d think that on your first mission with him you’d be more careful about following protocol.” Rumlow said, nose wrinkling. “Shit, it’s like rubbing your dick on a gun Rogers, it’s not like he knows what any of it means.” 

“Christ Rumlow, I get it.” Steve said. “I didn’t exactly think it through. For all I knew we weren’t getting picked up at all.”

“Well it didn’t help that you went to the place with the least tracking signal in the country.” Rumlow said. 

“I’m not the one who put the safe house here. The asset had a bullet in his leg, we couldn’t get to the next town.” Steve said. “He needed to rest here. We were going to move out in a week or so.” 

“Yeah, you had him resting real good.” Rumlow said sarcastically. “Gather your things. The truck’s waiting down the hill.” With that he turned to stand outside, closing the door firmly behind him. 

Steve closed his eyes and let out a breath. He finally turned to Bucky, seeing hurt hidden behind a blank mask. He moved forward to him, wrapping him in his arms and kissing his hair softly. 

“M’sorry.” He whispered in his ear. “Just had to get him off our backs.” He didn’t risk speaking louder in case Rumlow was just outside. 

“I know.” Bucky whispered, but it didn’t sound like that made him okay with it. He held Steve back for a moment before pulling away. “We need to pack up.” He turned his back to Steve to collect their things together. Steve wanted to say something, but they didn’t have the time for that conversation now, so he just silently packed up too. 

-

The journey was silent. After initial questions as to whether the mission was complete, none of them had much to say. Bucky was cuffed to his seat, but was quiet enough that they’d not bothered muzzling him. A couple of the agents muttered occasionally to each other, but Steve was pointedly not invited to join the conversation. Steve wondered how many of them knew the truth about him and Bucky, how many of them knew that Steve was wiped too, or that they’d been fighting Hydra about something before all of this happened. Knowing Hydra, maybe no one knew apart from the director, but Steve couldn’t help but think that all of them did, every agents he’d trained with or worked with, they all knew who they were really. It was Rumlow that broke the silence as they pulled up to a security stop. 

“We’ve got a plane first thing in the morning.” He said to Steve. “Make sure you have your story straight by then.” It got a few frowns from the other agents, but none of them questioned it. Steve looked at him hard. Would Rumlow radio ahead, tell the director about what had happened. If he did then it might be even harder to break out, especially if they only had tonight to find their files and get out of the base. Steve’s eyes flicked to Bucky, but the other man wasn’t looking at him. 

-

Bucky was locked in a holding room, despite Steve saying it wasn’t necessary. Rumlow had just given him a hard look, locking the door anyway and only giving Steve the code to the door because he was officially the asset’s handler. 

“I have to write up the mission report.” Steve said. “Are there any computers around that I could access the briefing on?” 

“Sure,” Rumlow said, gesturing for Steve to follow him. “As long as you’re not gonna put your dick on it. Since you have a thing for Hydra machinery.” 

“Give it up Rumlow.” Steve said, following him.

“I just don’t get it.” Rumlow said. “You know there are loads of real guys around here. One of them would suck you off if you asked nicely.”

“Well they weren’t around at the time.” Steve said. “Come on, you must have done something stupid at some point in your life.”

“You don’t survive long somewhere like this by doing stupid things.” Rumlow said, letting Steve into a room with a computer. 

“Well I’m new.” Steve said with a shrug, trying to see if Rmulow showed any sign of knowing that not to be true. 

“Not really an excuse, don’t fuck the asset.” Rumlow said. 

“I didn’t fuck him.” Steve said. 

“Alright, don’t get fucked by the asset.” Rumlow said sarcastically. 

“You’re a dick, you know that?” Steve said, slapping Rumlow’s shoulder and heading to the computer, beginning to log on. Being friendly with Rumlow would make the rest of this easier, and well, Rumlow had always been sort of nice to him in training, he thought at least, who knew what was real. 

Steve hesitated, before deliberately typing his password wrong. It didn’t let him in, and he frowned, trying again but making sure the computer warned him that it would lock him out. “My passcode isn’t working.” He said, looking up at Rumlow. “Could you log me in on yours? I won’t look at your porn collection.” Rumlow sighed and rolled his eyes. 

“You’re away for a week and you forget everything about working here.” He said, tilting the keyboard towards himself and typing quickly before pushing it back to Steve. “You’re a pain in my ass sometimes Rogers. Drag me all the way to Europe to save you and then use my computing time. You owe me.” Steve rolled his eyes, trying to keep it light. 

“I’ll be quick, it’s just a few admin things really. And I’ll take a watch for you when we get back.” Steve said, giving him a smile. 

“Two watches.” Rumlow said. “And you get us a round the next time you actually leave the gym.” 

“Deal.” Steve said, sitting down in front of the computer. “I’ll catch up later, alright?”

“Sure thing Rogers.” Rumlow said, stepping back towards the door. “No looking through the folder called ‘Not porn’.” He said with a smirk before leaving. 

Steve immediately set to work. After all that, Steve thought maybe Rumlow didn’t know either. He seemed genuine, Steve trusted him before all of this, would have even thought to call Rumlow his friend. Maybe Rumlow wouldn’t have access to any of the files either. 

Steve had almost convinced himself that he needed to find someone higher up when he found them. 

Seems Rumlow did know after all.

-

Steve was aware of the USB in his pocket as he walked back towards Bucky’s room. He hadn’t read it all, just downloaded the files as soon as he’d seen the basic details. They’d been right, he was a lot older than he seemed to be. 

He smiled at people in the hallways, glad that the corridor was empty when he reached Bucky’s door. He put in the code and slipped in. Bucky was sat on the floor, but got to his feet as soon as Steve came into the room. 

“I got them.” Steve whispered, coming over to him and taking his hand. “Lets get out of here.” Bucky stayed quiet for a second, biting his lip. “Bucky? What’s wrong?”

“Did you mean any of it?” Bucky asked quietly. “What you said to Agent Rumlow?” Steve sighed softly, shaking his head. He’d be upset that Bucky could think he meant it, but with what they’d been through, it wasn’t unreasonable for Bucky to question everything. 

“Of course not Buck.” He whispered, resting their foreheads together. “I just needed him to believe me.”

Bucky looked up at him for a moment longer before leaning in and kissing Steve softly. 

“Lets get out of here.” He whispered against his lips, taking his hand firmly and pulling back. His eyes had gone hard, and Steve knew if anyone stood in their way then Bucky wasn’t going to show them mercy. He nodded a little, opening the door and heading out. 

-

People had stood in their way, once the agents had realised what they were trying to do, but they were out. Bucky’s metal arm had blood on the knuckles and Steve had picked up a gun along the way. He’d tried to shoot for legs, some of the agents were people he knew, but he knew they had to get out of there no matter what. He didn’t ask Bucky whether the trail he left behind were breathing or not. 

They were out. 

Steve had grabbed his bag, nutrient packs and first aid kits mostly, enough tools to remove the tracking chip from Bucky's arm, things they’d need if they were going to be going it alone. They’d taken the truck, and now they were just driving, neither of them sure to where. They couldn’t fly back to America, they needed to hide, but they were free. They just needed a roof and a computer to read their files. 

They’d find somewhere.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there
> 
> So this is the end. This is more of an epilogue than a final chapter, but i didn't want to shove all of this into the previous chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it all, and thanks for sticking with it til the end (...of the line)
> 
> Kudos and comments are much loved
> 
> Thanks for reading

They’d read the files, they’d remembered more, and eventually they’d found where they needed to go. 

They raised their hands at the gate, surrendering in gesture despite the large amounts of weapons they both had on their person. They were taken into custody by agents, whispering amongst themselves. The agents were sensible enough not to separate them.

Steve heard them making calls, urgent requests for the director – Steve shuddered at the word, and he squeezed Bucky’s hand in silent reassurance – to come immediately. They didn’t have to wait for more than a day. It seemed that the people in this base knew who they were as well. 

“Director Fury.” The man said, extending a hand to Steve, who shook it firmly. 

“Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes.” Steve replied. 

“We know who you are.” Fury said. Steve got the impression that he didn’t waste time. “I hear you have information about Hydra that you’re looking to share.” 

“That’s right.” Steve said. 

“In return for what?” Fury asked, looking at him suspiciously. 

“Protection.” Bucky said before Steve could open his mouth. 

Director Fury looked between them before towards what must have been a camera, nodding a little. 

“You’ll have to come back with us to Washington.” He said. “But we can stop them from finding you. But there’s gonna be a lot of questions about a national treasure like you suddenly being back.”

“They might not like the answers.” Steve said, pulling the USB out of his pocket and holding it up. Fury looked at it and nodded, not reaching to take it. Steve wouldn’t have handed it over anyway. Their lives were on there, and he wasn’t about to hand that to an organisation they barely knew. He put it back in his pocket. 

“I guess we should say welcome back Cap.” Fury said. “It might take some time and effort for you to settle into the world again. It’s changed since the forties.” 

“So have we.” Steve said flatly. 

-

Bucky rested his head on Steve’s shoulder for the flight back, neither of them paying any attention to the agents who were escorting them home. Well, as close to home as they were getting for now. They held hands and watched the clouds go past silently. 

They’d given Fury and SHIELD enough information to guarantee their return home, told them about some bases they could take easily and the part both of them had played over the last few decades. 

They’d been warned that there could be legal problems back in the USA. They’d killed people after all. But given that neither of them existed it was going to be hard for the courts to set a conviction. 

Those were problems for another day though. Right now, they were going to a safe house, one where they’d be watched but one where Hydra wouldn’t be coming for them. Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, nuzzling into his hair. They’d be as safe as they could be. 

-

The morning light was warm and yellow where it came through the slit in the curtains. It made the metal of Bucky’s arm gleam, lighting up his dark hair. 

They’d been Washington for a month. Sometimes lawyers would knock on their door, sometimes agents, sometimes door to door salesmen. Mostly they were left to themselves though. 

Fury had been right, they’d taken time to adjust, were still adjusting really. There was no mission to complete, no superior to report to. They’d wake up and forget where they were, screaming at the promise of punishment or wiping. Their dreams showed them everything they’d been through, whether they wanted to see or not.

They’d spent the first few days in bed or wandering to the kitchen, not sure what they were supposed to do. SHIELD provided them with food for the first week, but Steve turned it down after that, using the allowance they were given to buy their own food. It got them outside, gave them the first bit of a schedule, and more importantly it gave them control. They’d taken up hobbies, reading and music and movies and art, things that wouldn’t hurt anyone. Their therapist had said they needed an outlet.

Right here though, Steve could forget some of the rest of it, and just appreciate the moment. Bucky’s face was lax and soft, no bad dream plaguing him this morning. He shuffled a little as he began to wake up, and Steve took his cue to move forward, pressing his lips to Bucky’s forehead. Bucky hummed happily, snuggling closer to Steve. 

“Morning Stevie.” He whispered against Steve’s shoulder. 

“Morning Buck.” Steve whispered into his hair. 

“We’re safe.” Bucky whispered, and Steve nodded.

“We’re safe.” He agreed quietly. They held each other for a moment longer before beginning to stretch out and get up for the day. 

“Do we have anything to do today?” Bucky asked, and Steve went to the list on their bedside table. They forgot things a lot, their therapist said it was because of Hydra messing with their heads, but they worked around it with calendars and lists and photos. 

“We’ve got an information briefing at one.” Steve said. “And then it says we arranged to go to an art gallery. But it doesn’t matter what time and there’s a map to the gallery on the kitchen table.” 

“That sounds nice.” Bucky said with a smile, heading to the bathroom. 

Steve pulled his notebook closer, writing down the time and the fact that Bucky looked beautiful with messy hair and a pair of Steve’s underwear on. 

“I’m gonna start breakfast.” Steve called through to him, waiting until Bucky called back that it was alright before going to start making pancakes. 

He flinched as he saw his own shadow, sighing a little as he realised it was nothing. He pulled out the recipe and began to cook. His brow was pulled tight as he focussed, but he relaxed as he heard Bucky pad into the room. He felt two arms wrap around him, one flesh and one metal, holding him close. 

“We’re okay.” Bucky whispered against the back of his neck. 

Steve moved his hand to hold one of Bucky’s, just leaning back into him for a moment. 

“Yeah Buck.” He whispered. “We’ll be okay.”


End file.
